Jennifer tells Maori a story
Maori: tell me more
Sent at 11:28 AM on Wednesday
Jennifer: more
Maori: that is sufficient. you are dismissed.
Jennifer: lol
Maori: oh well
in that case
since you persist
you’ll have to tell me a whole story involving fish and underbellies and mustaches and a villain and a handsome rat.
Jennifer: lol there once was a handsome rat who took great pride in his appearance he groomed himself often by peering into puddles and shiny surfaces admiring his sleek fur and long sexy tail
Maori: …!
Jennifer: and bristly whiskers lol
but one day as he was peering at himself in the reflective surface of a subway ad featuring a mustachioed human
he noticed that through some reflection trickery the mustache appeared to be his own!
and he quite fancied the look
so he knew he needed get a mustache for himself to complete his handsomeness
the only mustache that he knew of that would be an appropriate size and color for him adorned his archenemy the evil Villain Rat
Maori: oh no!
Jennifer: evil Villain Rat ran a rat crime syndicate in tribeca
they would get into people’s houses and steal stuff
and then sell it on the blackmarket
and humans never suspected it was a RAT that stole their jewelry!
foolish humans
Maori: indeed
Jennifer: but our Handsome Rat was scared of Villain Rat
who was known to be ruthless to anyone who dared interfere with his operations
or who mocked his mustache
Maori: villains are villainous.
Jennifer: so Handsome Rat knew he had to plan carefully
he decided to accost Villain Rat while Villain Rat was dealing with some dirty work
he knew that Villain Rat liked to dump his victims into the
Hudson River because Handsome Rat loved to take strolls along the West Side greenway late at night or early in the morning
so Handsome Rat hid and waited until Villain Rat
and a few thug rats approached at around
4 am with a body barely wrapped in a bag.
As villain rat was busy dumping the body,
suddenly handsome rat flew out of the bushes
and made a grab for villain rat’s mustache!
they struggled back and forth
the thug rats tried to help but villain rat said “no! he might hurt the mustache”
handsome rat had a fierce grip
villain rat slung handsome rat over the railing looking out over the hudson river
and handsome rat was dangling only by the mustache!
villain rat squeaked in pain!
and finally
RIP!
the mustache tore off!
handsome fell into the river clutching the mustache
Maori: !!!!!!!!!
Jennifer: villain rat cried and squeaked
and gnashed his teeth
while handsome rate got swept under the waves
as he stared up at his reflection in the underbellies of fish
he placed the mustache on his lips
and smiled contentedly
the end
Maori: that was…. AWESOME!
